


Impossible

by JayTyHeyBye



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background McSummers, Calm Down Erik, Crying, Fluff and Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Poor Charles, Songfic, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 06:04:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10075523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayTyHeyBye/pseuds/JayTyHeyBye
Summary: I remember years agoSomeone told meI should take caution when it comes to love,I did.----Also known as "The One Where Charles Can't Get Over Erik Lehnsherr Despite Having It Been 20 Years Since The Breakup"





	

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MFRZR_iGaQ
> 
> The song is Impossible by Shontelle.

Charles Xavier wasn’t one to admit his mistakes. He made them, like any normal human being, but his pride always got in the way. 

When he was 12, he met a boy with bright blond hair and stunning green eyes. They were at the Sunday Market, the one he would always beg his nanny to take him to. He loved seeing all the old antiques, and hearing stories of those who owned them.

The boy had bumped into him, and Charles’ little heart leapt into his throat. The boy smiled, apologized, then ran off to find his mother. Charles barely registered that his nanny was tugging on his hand.

“Did you see him, Martha?”

His nanny hesitated, then knelt down in front of the boy. She placed her hands on his shoulders. Charles sucked in a sharp breath. Whenever she got down to his level, it meant she was going to tell him something he didn’t want to hear.

“Charles...you need to be careful.”

“I’m not doing anything dangerous, Martha.”

“The world isn’t ready for the type of love you may want, dear. Not yet, at least.”

Charles frowned, but he never once broke their eye contact.

“You have to have caution, little one.”

_I remember years ago_   
_Someone told me I should take_   
_Caution when it comes to love_   
_I did, I did_

His legs were running, and Charles couldn’t stop them even if he wanted to. He launched himself over the railing of the ship, despite Raven’s screams of his name.

When he hit the water, it was freezing cold. The telepath had to bite back a scream. The insane person floating in the water needed his help right now.

He hooked his arms around the man’s body, trying desperately to pull him back.

‘Calm your mind’

They breached the surface, the man’s hands pushing on Charles’ chest to get him to back off. 

“I thought I was alone.”

“You’re not alone, Erik.”

_And you were strong and I was not_   
_My illusion, my mistake_   
_I was careless, I forgot_   
_I did_

Diving into the ocean that night was the best thing Charles Xavier had ever done.

It was also the worst mistake he had ever made.

He’d never admit it.

They’re sitting in the lounge, playing their third game of chess that night. They left for Cuba tomorrow, and surprisingly enough, Charles wasn’t nervous. Charles was never nervous when Erik was by his side. He could get used to this.

He’d been with many people throughout his life. Erik, however, gave him butterflies like he had never experienced. Erik had the power to reduce the Professor to a stuttering, stumbling mess with only a glance in his direction. 

Charles had looked into Erik’s mind. He hadn’t exactly meant to, it had just happened. He’d seen everything. His mother. His childhood. Shaw. Another young boy he confided in when he was in…

Charles cleared his throat. He didn’t need to think about that. He didn’t want to get his hopes up. 

“Check mate.”

Erik’s voice brought him back to reality, and he found himself smirking.

“You won on a fluke.”

“And what fluke would that be, exactly?”

“I let you win.”

Erik laughed. Charles’ heart skipped a beat. The man had a laugh that could bring someone back from the dead if it so pleased. Charles forced himself to look away, standing as he did so.

“Would you like another drink, Erik?” He asked calmly, trying his hardest to push the thoughts to the back of his head.

Erik hummed. 

“You’re a telepath, Charles. You tell me if I want another drink.”

Charles shut his eyes. He could feel Erik letting him in. He allowed himself to enter the mind of his dear friend, though Erik’s thoughts were enough to make his legs feel weak.

He honestly was not thinking about whether or not he wanted another glass of scotch. 

Just as Charles turned around, he realized Erik had crossed the room and was now standing directly in front of him. Charles’ face was tomato red, he was sure of it. Erik had a look of nervousness to his eyes. Charles’ voice shook as he spoke.

“No scotch, then?”

Erik’s hands were on his waist, and Charles was leaning up to meet his lips before he had even finished his question.

This was love. The way warmth flooded through his chest, the way the butterflies disappeared, the way his fingers tangled easily in Erik’s hair, it was all perfect.  
This was more than one of Charles’ hook-ups. He loved Erik.

Nothing could ever tear them apart.

_And now when all is done_   
_There is nothing to say_

“You have to have caution, little one.”

_You have gone and so effortlessly_   
_You have won_   
_You can go ahead tell them_

“Erik!” He’d tackled him to the ground. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. 

They were fighting. Erik threw a punch that collided with Charles’ jaw. The same jaw he had run his hands across so softly only hours beforehand. Charles managed a weak kick to his stomach. The same stomach his hands had fumbled to release from the bonds of his shirt in the middle of the night. Only hours before they had been closer than ever, and now they were in a full blown, sandy fist fight.

This wasn’t happening. 

Erik pushed Charles off of him, staggering to his feet. Charles barely heard the gunfire, focusing on standing up. There was a stabbing pain in his knee, and he knew he’d have to get Hank to check that out when – 

Something slammed into the base of his spine.

The pain in his knee abruptly stopped.

Charles screamed. 

The ground came up to greet him, and soon Erik’s arms were around him. Tears were flooding blue eyes, and Charles saw the fear in Erik’s, though it was soon replaced with anger. They broke their gaze, Erik focusing on Moira.

“You did this!”

“She didn’t do this, Erik. You did.”

Erik’s hand dropped. Charles could feel his heart breaking in his chest, shattering easily into a million tiny pieces.

“I want you by my side-”

Charles felt a tear roll down his cheek.

“Protecting each other-”

He let out a shaky breath.

“We want the same thing.”

“My friend, I’m sorry, but we do not.” 

He should have listened to his nanny. Love only leads to heartbreak.

_Tell them all I know now_   
_Shout it from the roof tops_   
_Write it on the sky line_   
_All we had is gone now_

Erik left. He took Raven, and he left. Charles wiped Moira’s memory. He opened the school. Did the best he could to forget Erik. Forget what he had felt. 

The war started. Students got drafted. Alex left. Charles felt a pang of sympathy in his chest for Hank, and he could hear Hank’s heart breaking. He knew what it was like.

Hank should have had more caution.

The school fell apart. Charles shut it down. He drank more. Started to take more of the serum than he should. As Hank helped him stand up for the first time in years, the other mutant’s thoughts faded from his mind. For the first time in his entire life, it was quiet.

Charles loved the silence more than he liked to admit. 

_Tell them I was happy_   
_And my heart is broken_   
_All my scars are open_

Everything was going well, until Logan fucking Howlett showed up from the future and told him that they needed to break Erik fucking Lehnsherr out of the mother fucking pentagon. He was just starting to forget the bastard. He knew seeing Erik would send him spiraling out of control again. It was a mistake.

Charles was right. 

The elevator door opened, and Charles’ world crumbled around him.

_Tell them what I hoped would be_   
_Impossible, impossible_   
_Impossible, impossible_

Logan was sleeping, and they were on the plane. Charles had to admit, he was starting to drift off. He and Erik had finished their chess game. His eyes were fluttering shut, until he felt something being wrapped around him. He opened tired eyes to see Erik hovering over him, placing his jacket on top of Charles like a blanket. For a moment, Charles didn’t move. It reminded him of when things were alright, when Erik would wrap his arms around him, and mumble nothings into his ear until Charles was smiling from ear to ear. 

They’d never be able to go back to that.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Charles’ voice was groggy, and he could have sworn he saw a blush rise to Erik’s face.

“You looked cold.”

“I’m not.” Charles bit out, though he made no movement to take off the jacket. Erik brushed a strand of hair behind the telepath’s ear, only to get his hand pushed out of the way.

“Charles,”

“Save your breath, Erik. I’m not going to get my hopes up again.”

Erik frowned. Charles forced himself to look away, curling up further in his seat.

“Charles…”

“Don’t, Erik.”

He didn’t try again after that. Charles used all his willpower to shrug off Erik’s jacket, placing it on the seat beside him. 

He had to try getting over Erik Lehnsherr.

He’d never be able to.

_Falling out of love is hard_   
_Falling for betrayal is worse_   
_Broken trust and broken hearts_   
_I know, I know_

Charles was right. Erik had left again. The asshole had dropped a baseball stadium on him, then left. Charles knew that wouldn’t be the last he saw of Erik, and he had mixed emotions. He wanted to be done with the man. He wanted nothing more than to forget Erik Lehnsherr. Forget Magneto. This being said, he also craved to have those arms around him, and to hear Erik’s laughter again.

Hank settled Charles down in his seat on the plane, before going back to pilot it himself. Charles sucked in a sharp breath. He was alone here, now. He glanced around the room, eyes landing on a crumpled up piece of fabric on the seat next to him.

Erik’s jacket. 

Charles picked it up with shaky hands, and he couldn’t stop the tears as they began to trickle down his cheeks. He buried his face in the leather, momentarily pretending that it was Erik he was holding.

He cried for loss. The loss of Raven, Erik, their friends, everything they had worked so hard to create.

He cried.

Hank pretended not to hear him.

Caution wouldn’t help him now.

_Thinking all you need is there_   
_Building faith on love and words_   
_Empty promises will wear_   
_I know, I know_

_And now when all is gone_   
_There is nothing to say_   
_And if you're done with embarrassing me_   
_On your own you can go ahead tell them_

Ten more years passed. Charles opened the school again. Found at least one of the students Logan had told him to. Things were going well. He was happy again. Alex brought Scott to meet him, and Charles had to hide his excitement. The future was going to be good.

For a while, Erik Lehnsherr was not on Charles’ mind. He had ten years to get over what had happened in DC, and he was grateful for it. 

For a while, Charles Xavier forgot about Erik Lehnsherr.

_Tell them all I know now_   
_Shout it from the roof tops_   
_Write it on the sky line_   
_All we had is gone now_

Erik had lost everything. His wife. His child. Charles wanted so desperately to help. He had reached out to him, spoken to his friend for the first time in ten years. Charles hadn’t wanted to get involved, but apparently, when Erik was involved he couldn’t stop himself.

Erik had stopped responding, and for a moment, Charles was confused. 

That’s when he felt it.

There was no one holding him, but he could feel hands squeezing the sides of his head. He couldn’t control it. He could see everything and everyone. He heard a voice echo in his head, and his blood ran cold.

“Thank you for letting me in.”

He felt Hank’s hand shaking his shoulder, asking him what was wrong. The world was spinning. He could feel his entire body vibrating with untapped potential.

“I’ve never felt power like this before.”

Hank tried ripping off the Helmet, and Charles screamed. 

He vaguely remembered ordering Alex to destroy Cerebro before the world around him went dark, and he fell unconscious.

_Tell them I was happy_   
_And my heart is broken_   
_All my scars are open_

When he opened his eyes, he was being carried in two arms he knew all too well. He kept his eyes shut, his head resting easily in the crook of Erik’s neck. He fit so perfectly. Erik must have felt Charles shift, because Charles could hear Erik softly shushing him.

“Relax. it’ll be over soon. I’ve got you.”

He listened to Erik. He relaxed, and let himself fall back to sleep. 

Everything after that was blurry. He had woken up on the ground, the sun bearing down on him. he’d argued with Apocalypse. Tried to reason with Erik. Gave a message to the world. Basically told Apocalypse to fuck off.

Now, he was strapped to a table. Apocalypse was going to transfer his life force into Charles. Charles was screaming, thrashing around violently, doing anything he possibly could to break his bonds. He could feel his own conscious mind slipping, and laughter echoed through his mind. 

He barely registered two hands grabbing him and lifting him up before the darkness returned, pulling Charles back down. 

_Tell them what I hoped would be_   
_Impossible, impossible_   
_Impossible, impossible_   
_Impossible, impossible_   
_Impossible, impossible!_   
_Ooh impossible (yeah yeah)_

_I remember years ago_   
_Someone told me I should take_   
_Caution when it comes to love_   
_I did_

Erik had helped them. They won. Apocalypse was gone. Hank and Moira were shaking him, desperately trying to wake him up. He wasn’t dead, he was just exhausted. Having a mental fist fight with a God takes a lot out of you. When he opened his eyes, however, he met the gaze of someone knew, yet someone so dear to him.

Erik’s hand was on his cheek, making sure Charles couldn’t break their connection. His helmet had been discarded, granting Charles full entry. 

“Charles?”

All he could do was smile. His eyes fell shut again. Erik’s thumb brushed over his cheekbone.

“Charles, do you know where you are?”

“I’m playing chess.”

“What? Charles, you’re speaking nonsense.”

“I...I could really use a glass of scotch.”

Erik must have realized what Charles meant, because his breath hitched. Charles couldn’t stop himself from smiling. He opened his eyes again, meeting Erik’s, noticing the affection that was laced in his expression. He never wanted this moment to end.

“We need to get going, Professor.”

“I’ll carry him.” Erik volunteered. In one swift moment, he’d picked Charles up for the second time that day. Charles let his head fall against Erik’s shoulder, leaning against him.

“What about your helmet?” He heard Moira asking, and for a moment, Erik froze. He glanced down at Charles, and the pair shared a secret smile.

“Leave it.”

_Tell them all I know now_   
_Shout it from the roof tops_   
_Write it on the sky line_   
_All we had is gone now_

_Tell them I was happy_   
_And my heart is broken_   
_All my scars are open_   
_Tell them what I hoped would be_

Erik had to leave again. Despite how much he wanted to stay, he was still a fugitive. They both knew that. He had promised to come back for regular visits, though. Even if it would only be for a few hours at a time, it was better than seeing the man once every ten years. 

The pair had their own, secret goodbye, which involved tear-filled hugs, quiet promises, and stolen kisses. It had ended in a game of chess, and Erik’s laughter filling the room. Charles had laughed right along with him.

He needed to be careful when it came to Erik. He couldn’t expect too much, because he knew he’d only get hurt. His nanny had only been slightly correct.

He had to use caution with Erik, but he could add a couple of risks in the mix as well every now and then.

That was enough for both of them.

The world wasn’t ready for them. It wouldn’t be ready for a long, long time, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t try anyway.

They were sitting on the couch together, Erik’s arm wrapped loosely around Charles’ shoulder. Charles had his arm draped across Erik’s abdomen, and for a long while, they were silent.

Charles was the one to break it.

“I thought I was alone.”

“You’re not alone, Charles.”

_Impossible, impossible_   
_Impossible, impossible_   
_Impossible, impossible_   
_Impossible, impossible_

“Goodbye, Old friend.”  
“Good luck, Professor.”

_I remember years ago_   
_Someone told me I should take_   
_Caution when it comes to love_   
_I did._

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to follow my tumblr!  
> @Subject-to-feels


End file.
